


Emotional Upheaval

by EverybodyLovesEggsy



Series: Eternal, Unchanging Love [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, M/M, Not Completely Canon Compliant after Book 3, Not Epilogue Compliant, Patronus, Slow Burn, Soulmates, soul mark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:54:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22534309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverybodyLovesEggsy/pseuds/EverybodyLovesEggsy
Summary: (AKA That Which is Hidden Because There is a Mark instead of a Pull)Severus and Lily have the same Doe Patronus, so, naturally, Severus believes they are soul bound. But James has a Stag Patronus and when James and Lily’s skin comes into contact, they are marked as soul bound. But Severus’s Doe Patronus makes him think that he is bound to Lily, even though no mark appeared after their first touch. So, Severus think he is without a requited soul bound. Unknown to him, there will be another with a Stag Patronus who is meant for Severus.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Series: Eternal, Unchanging Love [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621339
Comments: 11
Kudos: 71





	1. Prequel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This Chapter is very similar, but not exactly the same, to the first chapter of That Which is Hidden and Subject to Change. After this Chapter, this story is completely different from That Which is Hidden and Subject to Change.

Godric’s Hollow came into view and dread filled Severus. The house was visible and the door left wide open. The Dark Lord really had found the Potters. The fidelity charm had been broken. Severus quickly made his way towards the house.

Just inside, Severus hesitated at the sight of James’s body sprawled in front of the stairs. Fear at what else he would find filled him. He took a breath, the blood rushing in his ears almost deafening, and stepped around James’s body to head up the stairs.

Severus fell to his knees at the sight of Lily lying lifeless on the floor, and gathered her up in his arms. A howl ripped itself from his chest as he rocked from side to side, wishing that this was all just a nightmare. Wrapped up in his grief, it wasn’t until his own sobs began to quiet that he registered the sobbing of another, of Lily’s infant son. Severus looked at the boy and his dark eyes met tear-filled, green ones. He had Lily’s eyes.

A sob broke through and Severus quickly moved his gaze away from the boy’s eyes, lest he fall into another wave of grief. His gaze was drawn to the cut on the boy’s head. A cut in the same shape as the wand movement needed to use the killing curse. Severus inhaled with realization. The Dark Lord was dead.

But so was Lily. Severus felt his grief clawing at his throat.

It was then that Severus heard sound of Sirius Black and Rubeus Hagrid loudly calling out for James and Lily. Gently, Severus laid Lily’s body back down to the floor and stood up. With one last glance at Lily’s body and then her son, Severus apparated out of the house just before Sirius and Hagrid entered the nursery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Between here and the next chapter is Canon and the next chapter is set during Prisoner of Azkaban


	2. In Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time Skip!  
> Canon for Harry's 3rd Year, until Malfoy's Dementor Prank and on

A stag. Harry Potter’s Patronus was a stag. Severus had felt frozen to his chair when the _thirteen-year-old boy_ produced a partial corporeal Patronus and it was the head of a _bloody Stag_ that came out of his wand. The other professors sitting near him, had clapped after Potter caught the snitch, jarring Severus out of his shock. Luckily, none of them seemed to notice and so he quickly left the quidditch pitch for the safety of his rooms. Once there, Severus pulled out some fire whiskey, poured it in a glass and quickly downed it. He poured another before setting the bottle down on the coffee table in front of him and sat down in his favorite arm chair, where he was still residing.

Severus pulled out his wand and non-verbally produced his Patronus. As expected, a doe bounded out. He stared at the form as it turned around and stared right back at him. The doe was an exact replica of Lily’s, who he had always thought was his soul mate, despite his lack of a mark after they touched for the first time.

But then Harry Potter produced partial corporeal stag Patronus at thirteen, and in all likelihood was Severus’s soulmate.

He couldn’t help but rebel at the thought and downed his drink. Severus roughly set the now-empty glass on the coffee table in front of him before letting his head fall into his hands. Harry Potter, his soulmate. The idea was laughable. If he were to say it to anyone, Severus was sure they would lock him up in the Janus Thickery Ward in St. Mungos.

But then why else would Potter have a stag to match Severus’s doe the way James Potter’s had matched Lily’s?

No, it couldn’t be. There was no way that the arrogant, lazy son of James _bloody_ Potter was his soulmate. It was just a coincidence. Potter was just like his father and now had the Patronus to match him. Severus has just been unlucky enough to have the matching Patronus because he loved Lily… right? A tiny voice in the back of his head whispered that he was being ridiculous, making up excuses so that he could ignore the truth. Severus viciously forced that thought away. No, Harry Potter was _not_ his soul mate.

Severus poured himself another drink and downed it just as quickly as the previous two.

***

At first, Severus did his best to avoid Potter as much as he could without looking suspicious. He told himself it was so that he could control the anger and disbelief at the boy’s Patronus – while he had been given plenty of room to spout some of his hate of James Potter onto the man’s carbon copy, he doubted he could go without punishment if he were to release his anger of fate’s cruelty in reminding him that his _real_ (though unrequited) soulmate was dead. The coincidence of their matching Patroni (as always, he ignored the ever-increasing thought that it wasn’t a coincidence) had brought up painful memories of his childhood, of the cruelty of James Potter and his cronies. It was because of the memories that when Draco Malfoy came to him to tell him of Potter’s head appearing in Hogsmeade, Severus was unable to _not_ use the opportunity to spew out the well-earned vitriol he had towards James Potter to the man’s son.

Unfortunately, the confrontation with Potter left him without the satisfaction he had been hoping for – between that damnable piece of parchment and Lupin coming up with excuses to save the boy from his wrath, Severus only felt more irritated than before. How _dare_ Potter have the nerve to yell at him, and then proceed to insult him through a bit of charm work on a piece of parchment! Had he needed more proof of the boy being just like his father, Severus would have just found it (he told himself that the horror that he had seen on Potter’s face when the parchment began insulting him was from Severus catching him, not from not knowing what the parchment would do).

After the event, Severus did his best to avoid Potter once more, keeping their interaction confined to degrading the boy in his class. He wanted nothing more than that to do with Potter – he shoved away the voice that told him he was being a coward for avoiding the truth.

***

Avoiding one Harry Potter was much easier said than done. Outside of the potions class that Potter attended, the boy seemed to be everywhere. Whenever Severus was walking anywhere through Hogwarts’s halls, he somehow found himself passing by the boy. Even when he was leaving Hogwarts to look for potion ingredients, Severus ran into Potter returning to the castle from Quidditch practice. The potions professor was becoming more and more irritated the more it kept occurring. Severus had briefly considered staying in his office or quarters when not in class or at meals in order to stop this new pattern, but he refused to hide and encourage the little voice that kept calling him a coward. Instead he continued to sneer at Potter as he passed him, annoyed that he was unable to stop seeing the boy he had no desire to see, everywhere he went.

Severus had once again run into Potter – this time while heading to Sprout’s greenhouses in order to harvest a few ingredients – and had become annoyed enough that he was going to confront the boy about whatever troublemaking he was doing (why else would arrogant, lazy Potter be near the greenhouses when not in Herbology?). However, before the potions professor got close enough for the thirteen-year-old to spot him, Severus stopped in shock at what he was seeing and hearing.

“Maybe later, Ron. I’m studying Herbology with Neville.”

“But Harry, this would be the perfect opportunity to get back at Malfoy for that dementor prank he tried to pull on you last month! Imagine the look on that git’s face when he gets a taste of his own medicine!”

Potter shook his head at Weasley, not moving from his position next to Longbottom, standing in front of a plant with a book opened next to him, “It’s only going to make things worse. Snape has had it out for me ever since he caught me returning from Hogsmeade. And you know I don’t care for retaliation – I already get in enough trouble from the things Malfoy starts without starting more on my own.”

“Fine, you sit here and be boring like Hermione. _I’m_ going to go have some fun and prank Malfoy,” Weasley huffed and stalked away.

After he was gone, Longbottom finally spoke up, “You could have gone with him, you know. I wouldn’t have minded.”

Potter shook his head again, “Ron is being no better than Malfoy by retaliating and I want no part of it. Besides, I really need help with this Herbology project and you’re the best in the subject. I would have to be stupid not to accept your help after you offered it.”

“I’m surprised you accepted after… you know,” Longbottom blushed.

“We all make mistakes Neville,” Potter told the boy before asking a question about the plant in front of them.

Severus carefully backed away, heading to another greenhouse instead. It seemed that rather than laughing with his friends like Severus originally thought he was doing, Potter had been studying. And what’s more, he passed up the chance to get back at Malfoy to do so. Perhaps Potter wasn’t as arrogant or lazy as Severus had thought – after all, James Potter never would have admitted he needed help with a subject, or spent time studying in favor of pranking. If Severus had misjudged Potter–

No. He hadn’t misjudged him, the potions professor shook off the thought before he could finish it. Just because Potter was smart enough to pass up pranking to do well in class didn’t necessarily mean he was any less arrogant or lazy than his father. Just looking at the past two years of rule-breaking made Severus think that what he saw was a rare occurrence and nothing more. He nodded to himself, not acknowledging the lingering doubts he had about his perception of the boy. Chances are, by the time the year ended, Potter would prove himself to be the carbon copy of James Potter once more.

***

It had been a few months since Severus had decided to mostly avoid Potter (and the confusing thought now surrounding the boy) when he saw Lupin rushing out of the castle. He narrowed his eyes and decided to follow the man – he was still suspicious of the wolf due to his previous association with Black, and now looked even more questionable in Severus’s eyes, seeing as how it was now the end of the year and Black still had not been caught. Plus, it was a full moon tonight, making Lupin even more dangerous if he was up to something like Severus thought he was.

Severus had followed the werewolf to the familiar entrance under the Whomping Willow in trepidation. Perhaps Lupin was just making his way to the Shrieking Shack for his transformation? The potions professor glanced up at the still-light sky and frowned; it was much to early for that to be the case. Severus took a deep breath, pushing the lingering fear he had from the last time he had made his way through the tunnel away, and confidently moved forwards.

After saying the incantation that would allow him to go near the tree and the tunnel entrance, Severus stumbled slightly over what looked to be a cloak. He frowned and picked it up; it didn’t take him long to realize it was an invisibility cloak, and even less time to realize it was probably the same one Potter had used to get to Hogsmeade and prank Draco Malfoy into seeing just the boy’s head all those months ago. Anger filled Severus at the boy’s arrogant recklessness and disregard for the rules. Once again, he was going to have to run after the boy in order to fulfill his vow to protect him. Severus angrily donned the cloak and made his way through the tunnel.

***

Severus stormed out of the hospital wing after Dumbledore basically _excused_ Potter for the mutt’s escape. Not only had Potter and his friends knocked him out while he was trying to _save_ the bloody idiots (as well as get a little vengeance on Black, but that was neither here nor there), they had disregarded his stepping in front of _a bloody werewolf_ for them after Lupin transformed*, and then proceeded to free Black! He _knew_ they were responsible for Black’s escape, even before Dumbledore hinted at their use of _bloody time-turner_ (not that the man would admit it, or the minister believe it, had he said anything about it)! Severus was _furious_ that his soulm–!

The potions professor stopped his train of thought in horror (ignoring what he had almost called Potter in his head) as he came to a realization. He was angry at Dumbledore for allowing Potter and his friends would go without punishment. He was angry that Black had escaped. He was angry at Lupin for doing something so stupid as forget to take his potion. However, he was worried (with Severus being who he is, that worry manifested itself in fury) about the boy for having done something so dangerous as use a time-turner.

He, Severus Snape, was _worried_ about a Potter. _Harry_ Potter, specifically.

Severus swallowed, not knowing what to do with the realization. Since when had he come to _care_ about the boy? The potions professor shook his head at himself in disbelief. Somehow protecting the boy who was so much like James Potter turned into Severus beginning to care for him. Was it because of him avoiding Potter these past few months had possibly revealed a thing or two about the boy? Or worse, because of the Gryffindor’s Patronus? Severus shook the thought off – he refused to believe it was because of the Patronus seeing as how he was _not_ soul bound to Harry Potter.

Thankfully, Severus had made it to his quarters, where he would be able to pour himself a drink. He dearly needed one after this realization. Mercifully, exams were over, meaning the students, and Potter along with them, would be departing Hogwarts, leaving Severus to mull over the confusing feeling (and hopefully get over it) by the time the next school year began. The potions professor nodded to himself and opened his door before walking in a pouring himself that drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I know that this didn’t happen in the book because he was unconscious at the time, but I really liked the scene in the movies, so for this fic, it happens.


	3. A Change of Perception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's 4th Year

Severus realized two things at the welcoming feast. The first was that Potter was entirely too thin. He remembers that in the boy’s first year he had thought the same, but between Quirrell and needing to create the (not entirely fake) image of hating Potter that he would need to uphold until the Dark Lord was truly defeated, he had not taken the time to investigate why Potter – who he was told was treated (spoiled) the same way James Potter had been at home – would be so thin. After that year, Severus had been entirely convinced that Potter was exactly like his father and hadn’t paid anymore unnecessary attention to the boy when the school years began.

Which brings him to the second thing he realized: Severus had not gotten over his sudden caring feelings towards the boy over the summer. If he had, Severus wouldn’t have paid enough attention to Potter to notice that he was thinner than a boy of fourteen should be.

The Potions Professor internally shook his head at himself – apparently smothering his new _feelings_ this summer had not done anything for him. As if keeping an eye on the boy’s safety due to his vow was not enough, it seemed he was now stuck with actually _caring_ for a Potter. Severus resisted the urge to sigh and mentally noted to investigate the boy’s unnaturally thin appearance.

***

“Harry Potter.”

The room, and Severus along with it, froze.

“Harry Potter!”

Hearing Dumbledore’s voice again snapped the potions professor out of the daze of shock he had found himself in. Severus watched as Potter walked up to the Headmaster, face white as a sheet. The part of him that believed Potter was still entirely too much like his father was furious that the boy’s arrogance had led him to yet another dangerous stunt. The newer, slowly growing, part of him that cared for Potter was screaming at him to get the boy out of this situation.

Confused by his split feelings on what had just occurred, Severus fell back on what he knew best and accused Potter of cheating his way into the Tournament. However, he subtly watched Potter, saw the fear and confusion on the boy’s face. That was all it took to convince him that something was wrong. That the boy had not done what Severus was accusing him of.

For the first time since Potter had come to Hogwarts, the potions professor allowed himself to truly wonder if perhaps the boy wasn’t as much like his father as Severus thought.

He set the thought aside to consider later and kept up his act of accusing Potter of cheating, though Severus felt the worried (the boy was only fourteen!) side of him take precedence. He ignored it for now.

After the meeting finished with Potter being begrudgingly accepted as the fourth contestant, Severus made his way to his quarters where he’d be able to consider everything he had pushed off for later. Belatedly, he thinks that he should have known Potter would somehow end up a contestant in the Triwizard (now Tetrawizard) Tournament. Even when Potter wasn’t rule-breaking, the boy seemed to have the worst luck.

***

Like anyone who paid attention, Severus saw Weasley act like a prat due to his jealousy. His unwanted concern for Potter flared up when, while he was in the library, he saw he boy do nothing more sigh at his supposed best friend (who had just ignored Potter) and continue to study the book he had in front of him.

For the second time since Potter was revealed to be his soulm–have a matching Patronus to him, Severus saw the boy just disregard Weasley’s behavior in favor of studying. It seemed the potions professor had severely misjudged the boy; Weasley was proving to be as arrogant and lazy as James Potter instead of Potter.

Severus internally frowned, wondering how he could have been so blind. He subtly glanced at Potter from his position in the adjacent row of books to where the boy was sitting and caught sight of Lily’s green eyes. The potions professor swallowed roughly at the thought of his best friend; perhaps he had not given Potter enough credit for being Lily’s son as he should have. Severus shook his head, adding it to the slowly growing list of things to consider about the boy – he already had enough to consider when it came to Harry Potter.

***

Throughout the rest of the year, Severus cursed himself for beginning to care for Potter. Rather than watching the first two tasks with the apathy he should have been, the potions professor found himself filled with anxiety. When Potter began trying to retrieve the egg from the dragon, Severus was barely able to keep himself from sitting on the edge of his seat (it was only through years of spying that he kept his worry from showing, especially when Potter and the dragon were no longer in sight). During the boy’s swim in the Black Lake, the potions professor couldn’t keep himself from scanning the top of the water, anxiously waiting for the boy to return (especially when the hour was up and Potter had still not shown up).

As riled up as he was over the unwanted worry during two tasks, the potions professor (not very proudly) threatened Potter with Veritaserum* when he noticed supplies were missing from his potions stores – he knew the boy had somehow stolen the Gillyweed when Potter ate the plant before falling into the Lake (though he hadn’t exactly minded at the time considering the worry overtaking his mind), but when he realized ingredients for Polyjuice were missing also, he was furious enough to threaten the boy the next time he saw him.

At Potter’s confusion over the missing supplies, Severus couldn’t help but wonder if he was becoming soft for believing the boy now that he was slowly proving not to be the carbon copy of his father. The Potions Professor scoffed and reminded himself that Potter was still rule-breaking, even if he (was more like Lily than he originally thought) was not as arrogant and lazy as James Potter had been … right?

***

The Dark Mark burned and Severus’s already considerable worry about Potter rose. He clenched his teeth at the pain in his arm, knowing what he would feel for not appearing at the Dark Lord’s call was going to be so much worse when he had the chance to show and explain himself to the mad man.

For now, Severus silently got Dumbledore’s attention before subtly motioning to his arm. The Headmaster nodded with a grim look on his face before turning back to the entrance of the maze, carefully hiding the anxiety only Severus could see. He recognized it as the same fear he was feeling for Har-Potter, who was no doubt currently standing against the Dark Lord.

The next few minutes felt like an eternity to Severus. Just before he could give up hope that the boy would escape the Dark Lord for the third time in the past four years, there was a crack and Severus could see bright blue glow of the Tournament’s cup. Ha-Potter and Diggory were laying on the ground not moving.

“Harry! Harry!”

Severus breathed a sigh of relief when Harry moved. He swiftly made his way to Dumbledore, who was quietly telling the boy to let go of Diggory – the potions master swallowed roughly realizing the Hufflepuff was the first casualty of what would soon become the Second Wizarding War – keeping his eyes trained on Harry. The boy was barely able to stand, haunted and unseeing eyes never moving from Diggory’s body. Severus shoved the inexplicable urge to take Harry away from the chaos away.

He narrowed his eyes when Moody did just that, despite the Headmaster unmistakably telling Harry to stay. A glance at Dumbledore told Severus that the man had noticed and intended to follow. Severus quickly joined the older man in slipping away and after Moody.

“That’s not Alastor Moody,” Dumbledore nearly inaudibly murmured to him.

Severus nodded in understanding, but otherwise didn’t respond as he worked to shove the worry for Harry aside in order to focus.

***

As Barty Crouch Jr. was explaining what he had done while under the effect of Veritaserum, Severus saw Harry was beginning to shake in pain, exhaustion, and probably a bit of shock. Luckily, before Severus could expose his changing perceptions and feelings towards the boy, Dumbledore directed him and McGonagall to different tasks while the man took Harry to his office. The potions professor easily complied, trying to keep his mind off Harry. It didn’t work.

As he did what the Headmaster asked of him, Severus realized that he had been referring to the boy as Harry in his head due to the worry he felt for him. As his perceptions of the boy slowly changed, the potions professor had been slowly coming to terms that somehow he was connected to Harry – the matching Patroni proved that (though Severus still didn’t believe that they were soulmates). However, it seemed that recent events had allowed him to fully accept a few things: Harry was not his father, and Severus cared about him and not just about protecting the boy.

Which is why Harry was no longer just _Potter_ in his head.

Seveus sighed to himself as he entered his quarters now that he had done what the Headmaster had asked of him. He had _not_ wanted to become attached to the boy as it was going to make his job much harder.

Case in point, he had returned to his quarters in order to prepare to see the Dark Lord. Severus was going to have to explain his absence to the man, as well as convince him that his true loyalties laid with him rather than Dumbledore. A task that seemed so much more daunting now that he truly cared for what happened to Harry – _Potter_ , Severus corrected himself, knowing he’d need to still be seen to hate the boy – and not just helping to defeat the Dark Lord.

Severus sighed to himself again and pulled on his Death Eater robes. For the second time in his life, he found himself spying for someone he cared for – he still was partially doing it for Lily and the promise he made to her, but he was now also doing it for Harr-Potter.

Severus sighed once more, cleared his mind of all thoughts surrounding Potter, flooed to his home at Spinner’s End, and apparated to the Dark Lord.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Like I did in the previous chapter with mentioning Severus stood in front of Moony despite that only occurring in the movie and not the book, I really liked the scene of Severus threatening Harry with Veritaserum despite it not happening in the book so I included it anyways ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
